There Are Actually No Chapters

       I was overwhelmed with emotion reading the comments to last week’s blog post.

       Someone very important once told me to ask myself: “does it matter how MANY people you are significant to, or is it more important HOW significant you are to the people who matter to you?”

       I’ve had the ambition of becoming a “rockstar” since I was about eight years old. Looking back, yes I believe I was always very excited about the idea of fame, and knowing that wherever I’d go I could make heads turn. But at the core of it, I was so enamored with the power that a single song could have over me. Music was magic. I never stopped writing songs and recording them throughout all of high school, and I’d dreamed that maybe one day in the future, some other kid on the bus ride to school might be listening to a song of mine, associating it with a significant time in his life.

       I’m at a point that always felt like a “someday” away. (“Waking Up At The End”) I don’t know, maybe I’d always envisioned life as a progression through a table of contents, and just never realized that there are actually no chapters. As I mentioned in my previous blog post, I’ve battled demons in the last several years, and yet somehow continued to clamber for that elusive plateau of self-accepted success. I’m talking about an incomprehensible amount of sleep deprivation, manic work obsession, and the constant anxiety that if I stopped for one minute, it would be the minute that would cost me my future. It was only recently that I began to consider that the best future for me might be different than the one I dreamt up at eight years old.

       On a daily basis, I read comments and receive messages from some of the most thoughtful and caring people, (the majority of whom I’ve never met in person,) sharing stories of how my songs have had a significant impact in one way or another. It’s amazing.

       It’s that kid on the bus listening to my song on the way to school.

       The future, my present, has manifested itself in a slightly different way than I had planned, and why should there be a damn thing wrong with that?

       I have a lot of plans. There’s so much more music to be made, and so many cool things I want to do. There are so many wonderful people to meet, common views to be shared, and souls from across the globe to embrace. I continue to strive to take pride in personal victories, and to learn to identify them. We’re all easily capable of wrecking ourselves, sprinting up the escalator as if we’re late to our own denouement, and yet equally capable of living life in a different light, of enjoying the pace, and being pretty proud of the strength it took to turn some of those particularly unique pages of our individual lives.

Comments

Gary November 15, 2017 @06:01 pm
Okay so I have been pondering your thoughts for a couple of days now, while at the same time listening to more of your music, of which I am somewhat new to. Nick, you feel things so deeply and while that is NOT a bad thing (I have accused myself of the same at times in my past) probably need to guard against “going over the deep end” so to speak. You are an artist as I have written before. No doubt in my mind there. As far as notoriety and fame, well, you will have to deal with what hands are dealt you and live with what life has given you. No, you are not a rock star or have the fame of a rock star, but would you be the person you are if you were a rock star? I have other music artists that I like to listen to with various amounts of fame though most are not overly well know and are not a part of big labels. I love their music. And I sometimes wonder, would I like them or their music if they were different persons due to their fame or a record company telling them what they can and cannot produce for music? These are some things you may have considered, and maybe not. Just enjoy who you are what life is presenting to you. There are highs and lows in life and you have translated that into beautiful music from where I stand. Maybe I have said too much here, but as a fan just keep doing what you are doing as far as your music and your growth as an artist. From what I can tell, all of the fans you have acquired are still with you. I look forward to seeing some of your “plans” as you wrote in wrapping up your latest blog entry.
Rich November 13, 2017 @10:58 am
SORRY FOR ALL THE TYPOS. I GET GOING IN THOUGHTS and boom typos.Yes your success has reached so many already. And each day your songs get us through each day .refreshing true honest music your story being told.my favorite kind of songs tgat tell a story..your vocal range is Amazing pleasure to the ear.please be so proud if all your hard work it shows .
Rich November 13, 2017 @10:21 am
The most important thing in life is the people in your life and truly what u mean to them.how in your case your mysic affects them and touches theor lives .Your song lyrics are,so powerful come honestly from the heart .So refreshing so measure your success by that and your answer is Hige superstar.Your sings touch my heart cause i can rekaye to them soo often to things in my life.To feel connected and not alone to feel understood and cared about by friends will get you yhroygh yoir hardest life challenges.Thank Yoiu So muchfor being a friend NICHOLAS .This weekend my facebook friend drive 8 hours to see me and his a paraplegic. He plays wherl chair rugbyand recently went sky diving .True INSPIRATION to me .on our toughest days we loook at people like Danny and ssy yup we will be ok .ig he can over come so can Nicholas Tremendous respect for you and on your toughest days just know I am here in SUPPORT and so are your superfans .You will never walk this,earth alone .we the fans friends are your family .Thank you for being You.
Denise November 12, 2017 @10:41 pm
Yet another proof of what a wise young man you are, Nick! And to make it "easy" for me I'd simply like to agree with Alyssa and Bob-- both already wrote what came to my mind while reading your blog. Looking forward to more of your insights on here.
Bob Hunt November 12, 2017 @09:13 pm
I totally and completely agree with what Alyssa said. You have a rare & deep self-understanding, which all great artists & creative people possess - and the gift to express it, both in music & words. It's fine to have goals in life, but the moment-by-moment Journey is what really matters. That is the way of sanity, wholeness, healing & meaningful achievement. That is what gives our lives meaning & purpose. And that is what you will be remembered for when the last note has been sung. Your followers are always in your corner & at your side, whatever direction life takes you.
Bob Hunt November 12, 2017 @09:08 pm
I totally and completely agree with what Alyssa said above. You have an rare & deep self-understanding, which all great artists & creative people possess - and the gift to express it, both in music & words. It's fine to have goals in life, but the moment-by-moment Journey is what really matters. That is the way of sanity, wholeness, healing & meaningful achievement. That is what gives our lives meaning & purpose. And that is what you will be remembered for when the last note has been sung. Your followers are always in your corner & at your side, whatever direction life takes you.
Alyssa November 12, 2017 @08:48 pm
You may not be playing stadium shows, Nicholas, but artists in your position have the advantage of not selling out the honesty in their music. Some of my favorite bands have left their labels and taken a step back to reclaim their art, even going so far as to rerecord the albums that they felt had too much of the recording execs and not enough of themselves. (Apparently you can do that when the label owns the masters, but you own the songs. Who knew?! But they crowd-funded, we paid, and the new versions are so much better. ) There is a truth in work like yours that I just cannot find on the pop charts or at a stadium concert (Springsteen excepted...) Of course, if rocking the Super bowl halftime show is still your dream, I'm pulling for you; from a talent perspective, you could be and should be! I, however, stopped listening to the radio about a decade ago in favor of artists free to share their hearts without too many cooks in the kitchen so to speak. You all are the real deal, and I'm thankful for the work you do.
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