Everyone's Got Their Own...

       It’s difficult to get to know each other 140 characters at a time. It’s even harder to delve into deeply rooted emotional struggle, or elation, and the unpredictable swaying scale balancing the two. I’ve been meaning to blog for quite a while but was uncertain of my diligence to maintain one. For the time being, I have a lot to say; to elaborate beyond the message of my music, and to do my best to inspire a community of kindred spirits. It’s always been about the music, which has always been about so much more.

       I’ll work backwards.

       I think a lot. Probably too much. Like, who else spends a good part of their day wondering what the purpose of existence is, or how to make peace with the complete absurdity of life’s curveballs, which blindside you just as you’re winding up for a grand slam? And ultimately, who else is at unrest at the thought of not having a concrete clue as to what happens when it’s all over?

       I think it all hit me after a couple of tragic and unexpected losses. I’ve been grieving since, and continued on to further experience several more blows to the face after the initial knock-out punch. The struggle to climb back up was a mix of staggering through apathy, stumbling, persistence, and stubborn resilience. (Cue “Starry Eyes”)

       I reached a point though, where I was fed up with existing so painfully. Over the course of about eighteen years I’d developed coping mechanisms for living and functioning with depression, however in the last several years, the floor I’d built had just dropped out from beneath me.

       I’m telling this story because it’s important for me to say where I’ve come from, but most importantly to share my journey of recovery.

       I was inspired to prioritize my happiness by the unconditional love and support I have received from my loved ones, and the friends I’ve met through my music. If someone else cares so much about your well being, shouldn’t you? (Thunder) . I also became inspired by the immense gratification I found in additionally being there for others. To feel purpose.

       These are my personal experiences. As I’ve grown up, I’ve realized the reality that, as I say often, “everyone’s got their own shit.” But even so, I feel that we’re all in this together, despite how different our own obstacles may be. Maybe making an effort to keep this in mind could help us be more compassionate towards each other, and live better, happier, richer lives.

I encourage you to share here, or privately, any story you would like, and how you find happiness in your lives.

Thanks for reading my first blog entry.

-N

(Is that cool? I always wonder how much of a badass status you have to reach in order to get to sign off with one initial…)

 

 

Comments

Gary November 12, 2017 @06:09 pm
I do so appreciate your words. I am a new listener to your music and have loved your artistry and going back over your previous music and videos can see your musical "growth" through the years. You are truly an artist with your work. I have so much to say in a response to what you wrote but today is neither the time or place to do that. You mentioned responding privately and maybe at some point I will do that. Nick, you are very much appreciated. Please never stop making your music and living life to the fullest.
Anonymous November 12, 2017 @06:38 am
Thank you for being there through your music when no one else was... I am a solo parent of two children. I was working full time & trying to keep up with the demands of life. Unfortunately I came to a point of a breakdown, mentally, physically, emotionally. You didn’t know it, but you were there for me, especially one particularly hard day when I cried sitting on the floor by my dishwasher, because I didn’t know how to go on. But together you and I singing “a little bit”, I was no longer alone and I prayed/ begged for help for the strength to go on. Those moments when I wished or felt like “I was a million miles from anywhere” and the moments we “stumbled forward”, you were there for me as I worked out emotions of helplessness & overwhelm singing along to your music. I was “waking up at the end” of a life phase, we all reach points in life in different ways but inside we are all one in similar ways of emotions. I “emptied my coffee cups” and left a relationship of 13 years with one that I once thought I’d grow old with, because I realized that I was so lonely because I didn’t have a true companionship & that spending my life alone while in a relationship wasn’t the way to wake up at the end. So I took a chance and changed my path towards happiness. Living with anxiety is hard at times, sometimes it feels like a life sentence when I get stuck living in my own mind instead of in the life in front of me. Sometimes it’s hard to zoom out & just be present, truly present, without over analyzing & overthinking, yet just truly loving life right there in that moment, just appreciating everything that is and everything that isn’t. I have lost a parent and it opened my eyes to so many things, learning that they are never really gone was amazing, and that they only change form, but are still with us. Thank you for being there...when I was alone and suffering...thank you for reaching me...when no one else could...in those moments when I was untouchable....you held my heart and helped me to stand again. Through music we help change the world...even though most will never tell you, the ripples of change will often be those you will never see or hear about :) Have a beautiful day. Maybe one day you should write a song about “never giving up” no matter how hard things are :) there is always tomorrow, always a chance for a better day. Always a chance to make it through. So thank you for all that you are and for being there for so many of us through your music.
Julie November 06, 2017 @01:15 am
Sometimes getting things out there in a safe space helps. Over the past 30 years or so, it's been hard. My hubbie developed epilepsy, he had neuro surgery, we had our 1st baby and I had PND. THen our 2nd baby comes along and has a whole load of issues and my friend was killed in a car crash in Kenya. I felt I was just existing and what I really wanted to do was live. (it didn't help that every time something nice happened, I wondered what nasty thing would happen to take away the good times) Slowly I had to learn to live life again. It's not been easy, but a lot started when baby 3 came along. (mind you, for several years it was just crazy, but looking back, it was good (ish) crazy!! Life is still hard, the babies have grown up and we now have a grandson. There are still times with Peter that things get to me and times that I want to cry. But music has helped
Denise November 05, 2017 @10:28 pm
There's always more than meets the eyes... and I don't speak about visual things.... THANKS for being the wonderful person you are, for sharing your thoughts and your stories with us- in music or now even in a written blog. Being so open about your feelings and life is rare - at least in my opinion- and it makes it even more special to know we are allowed to see those sides of you aswell. Most of what you've put so perfectly into words is not new to me either... Though I've probably told you before- I'd like to reassure you once again: you'll never be alone... if ever there's anything we can do, let us know! Thank you for your music- and the joy you bring with it!
Bob Hunt November 05, 2017 @05:01 pm
Thank you for your honesty in sharing your life with us. Those acts of honestly/transparency/open-heartedness are, in themselves, a healing work. And, for whatever it's worth, always remember that you are never alone in your journey - you walk along side all people of goodwill, everywhere and from every era. Just keep your eyes turned toward Truth and Light, and you'll never go too far astray. So be at peace....
Ben November 05, 2017 @03:07 pm
Nicholas Wells, you are a philosopher with a beautiful soul. Your words here are as powerful as the words you craft in your music. You are an artist. While my initial work involved researching the other half of APB, I ended up being able to learn about you, your music, and even a little about the man behind the music, and I'm happy for that. I became hooked on your style - which goes beyond my deep appreciation of the fact that "Hair on My Soap" eerily tells an identical story during my travels to Britton, SD. Let it be known that this is why when I travel on corporate projects, I stay in a private hotel and not shared accommodations. Gross. Here's to the eventual day of having a beer or a mango mojito (a mangjito? Sounds too X-Men-ish) and figuring out the worlds problems.
Mika November 05, 2017 @02:55 pm
Thank you very much for sharing your story. Three years ago I had to face a great loss. Since then I wonder to what extent our life path is preordained and we have only very limited possibilities to change things? I wish you all the best and that you never lose faith. With your amazing Music and voice you make so many people happy and smile. Thank you!
Rich November 05, 2017 @02:48 pm
Thanks Nicholas .how Very true and thank you for sharing your personal life moments .Friends are family to me and I consider you a brother.My life has brought me through very tough moments as well and sadly had to say goodbye to often .trying to make sense of the loss was over whelming to me and has to find a way to survive.After long searching music was a part of my healing .The Beatles song LET IT BE. WAS THE only thing that finally made sense in my healing .one I could let it be I began to heal.Starry eye makes me me feel not alone and understood in life's hard times. I HAD A SPINAL CORD DISEASE. And part of it I will never recover from. Hard every day .And some bad memories from unprofessional doctors .So yes life is such a challenge. JUST HAVING GOOD PEOPLE IN MY LIFE LIKE YOU. makes me know I will be Ok.As you say That's what I am here for .Thank You Nicholas Wells.
Bruce Savoy November 05, 2017 @02:41 pm
Keep up the great work, Nick. You are, and have been a true inspiration to many people.
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